Figuring things out for yourself or myself as the case is

Over the last few weeks Ive been quite busy with my health and things related to it.

I had my annual review which went okay but of course there is always room for improvement especially in my case but it showed if I push on I can improve and I will better myself in time if I stick to what ive been doing.

I havent given up on the gym and have been enjoying trying to get fit again and trying not to embarrass myself on my weights programme trying to increase my muscle mass (or currently lack of it) and ive noticed its working slowly but it is working.

Ive upped all my physio and nebulisers which is also making a difference when combining it with gym and fitness work.

Im hoping that all these things when combined are going to make the difference and my hospital results certainly showed that if I keep it up and keep working on my health it can certainly improve to where I would like it to be

BUT

And here comes the most important bit.

Mentally I think I have figured whats wrong with me and am now managing to change how I feel mentally about my health and thats really helping me to improve and feel good about myself again slowly but it is changing but I know change is happening

For a long time now I have been sort of thinking that life is what it is and over the last ten months Ive done some pretty serious damage to myself and I was beginning not to be negative but to think that my health had decreased and I was now working just to keep it at the level it is and giving in to thinking that was that and that I could not get any better

I also have had a lot of thoughts about Death and how quick CF can make that occur especially after the events over the last couple months where ive known of quite a few people unfortunately being taken by CF.


Now though after a few weeks of upping physio and nebs and doing the gym Im starting to feel that actually I can improve things and I do not have to accept that I am as best as I can be.

Mentally it feels huge to feel this again as I really have been harsh on myself blaming myself for being ill and decreasing and feeling so ill and for the ivs not working the last time I was in hospital but I figured out that actually it was just a bad IV treatment that wasnt successful for me and I didnt push hard enough when I was in hospital I just slopped and did nothing other than pump drugs in.

Im starting top feel like I used to when I got ill and I used to think oh its just a cough i can kill it off and get fit again and then prove it by putting the hard work in. Im starting to get my interest back in the things I used to love like running, gym and the sports I used to play

I cant lie I think I easily slippind into an acceptable mental state and have found it hard to get back to my mental state of I can do this, to a mental state of loving things again.

I lost my way for the first time and because of that I didnt know I was lost its not made me feel this way before.

Now though Im starting to know I CAN get better I WILL and most important I AM getting better

That above all else has made me come to terms not that I should accept where I am but to Accept I can be where I want to be.

Like I said in a previous blog :-

Some of us live to excel, to inspire others, not by disability but by ability, to live and to smile, to do something amazing look back and say "I did That".
Do it for yourself first and others will notice. Life is about jumping over obstacles and turning failure into Success.


I feel I let my own words down by not doing what I said but now I am.

By seeing the bad side recently It made me understand my good side and ive got to make that better. Never join the others but to accept im an individual and I do it best when I stand out from others