Mentally I'm not well because CF is really playing on my mind and I'm struggling to cope with it at the moment and all the new things that's going on with my health I needed someone outside of everything to talk to. A few months back I thought I was coping but today showed me I wasn't and showed me I've been very nasty to some people very close to me who I love very very much.
And firstly I want to apologise to the person who's put up with it all. My Fiancée
Max I'm sorry for all my shouting, all my remarks my rudeness and most importantly I'm sorry you had to deal with it all but also thank you for understanding what's been going on. I love you so much.
I had my first session today and whilst it showed I have been trying to sort my problems out what it really showed was that I can't actually sort them out myself. I never believed I had mental health problems but bottling things up turns them into mental health problems
My psychiatrist used the unfortunate news of Robin Williams today as the perfect example. It can happen to the best of us. Someone who makes you feel happy and makes you smile isn't necessarily feeling that way themselves. That's me according to her. I think she might be right.
I'm happy with what I have in life and what the future holds infact I'm very much excited about the future. I'm just not happy with myself
I finally feel like I might actually be able to solve my own puzzle in my head the lady I will be seeing understand cf and it's mental stresses because she works with many cf patients and that's fills with hope that she's the right person to fix me. I certainly feel comfy talking with her today so it's a good start
Fix me. Isn't that strange to say it like I'm a problem but that's how I've felt like I've been a problem to deal with for some people like I've been a pain in the arse
I'm talking to the psychiatrist again soon and to plan what to do for the future and getting me all the help I need
That feels nice to feel for the first time in a long time that something can be done about how I feel or don't feel as it seems
It's still a big thing for me to say it but I'm not afraid or ashamed to say I have problems and I know that all the people around me will support me in everything I do to get right.
In some ways don't we all have one problem or another?
Thank you for reading
