So its been a month since I did the Triathlon and I’ve ticked another challenge off.
I completed the Hever Castle Olympic Distance Triathlon.
To be exact I swam 1.5km in a lake, I rode 40km and then I ran well tried to run 10.5km to the finish.
Granted I wasn’t very fast but regardless of time I got it done.
How many people can say they’ve done that? Or come to think of it how many people have done any of the challenges ive done over the past few years. LondonSurrey100, KM Big Bike ride, London to Brighton Ride, Sprint triathlon and now the Olympic distance Triathlon.
Nearly 3 years of hard work and sacrifice and many hours and miles of training to get to where I am today.
So How did Sunday feel and how did it go I hear you all ask (all two of you that read this)
Well I stayed up at Hever castle the Saturday night and got there early so I could have a look around find out what things are all about and watch some of the other races. I watch a couple of the junior races and it was very inspiring to watch seeing those youngsters jumping into the water with no fear and riding and running with a smile (I wish I could have smiled like that during my triathlon NOT A CHANCE haha)
After watching a few races and having a look around to get my bearings about what was where and where I needed to go I was getting very nervous about doing this whole Triathlon Thing so we went to the pub for some dinner and I had to have a small glass of wine to settle my nerves but it didn’t work.
The whole time sat in that pub and the restaurant I just kept thinking “I haven’t trained enough, am I really doing this? Im going to fail, I cant do this, NO NO I can do this it wont be that bad 9 months of training and 6 months of swim training you have done the work now get your head in the race”
Do you think me talking to myself helped? Nope ended up looking like a zombie for hours all the way through dinner just blank, couldn’t think, then couldn’t stop overthinking oh im a nightmare for that.
I was totally convinced that multiple things were going to go wrong, the first was that my shoulder that has been playing up for nearly a year was finally going to let me down. Then I kept thinking my right knee is going to go as ive been nursing that all week leading up to the race with crappy muscles and arthritis. Then the two most common things that popped up, I’ll get a puncture and I’m due a crash and its coming tomorrow.
Saturday night soon arrived and despite two very strong sleeping pills at like 7pm thinking ill be sparko by 8pm worst case 9pm id get a good nights sleep in. NOPE 8pm came had to get up walk to the toilet block for a wee, same thing at 9pm, 10pm, 11pm and finally 12:20am is the last time I went a wee before I finally fell asleep. I just couldn’t shut down or stop thinking.
Im a calm and relaxed person but I’m like that classic swan saying. Calm and serene on the surface but flapping like a gooden under the water. Whenever a challenge gets close I don’t panic but I definitely overthink, it’s something I’m still working on with my counsellor but actually I’ve found by doing these challenges Im getting better at controlling it and im getting used to all these feelings. In reality Id never back down from something no matter how much I worry once ive decided I want to do something I will bloody do it and give it a damn good go in the process.
What made me want to do a Triathlon?
Well It started as a bit of a joke, In 2015 I had completed the LondonSurrey100 Bike Ride and I thought that was the hardest thing I could ever complete. Then a friend of mine commented on a facebook post of mine saying “Triathlon next mate” Yeah thanks Ben. Well as 2016 approached it really did start to come into my mind, Could I actually complete a triathlon? What would I need to do? How would I get the kit to do it? Could I physically complete it. Well A few negative things happened in 2016 so I never really got my head into doing it but I still did 2 bike rides and one I did raised a few more pennies for the CF trust when I did the London to Brighton bike ride that wasn’t big in terms of challenge but I only decided to do it about 6 weeks before the actually start date so I didn’t train as much as I would of liked but I did it more to give me something to focus on, I wasn’t fast but I just loved being on my bike and enjoying the views and the atmosphere. Well it was finally in December 2016 I said “that’s it 2017 is the year I do a Triathlon” and I was going to stick to that plan. And well here I am now Writing about it. Having done a sprint Triathlon in May and then the Hever Castle Olympic Triathlon on Sunday I feel like I achieved what I set out to do.
Anyway I must stop mumbling back to Sunday
So Sunday 6am arrives. I’m tired but straight up, no doubt, no question, just focused on my routine. Get my porridge prepared, get the bike together, prepare my drinks, prepare my nutrition, check my bike over again, do my nebuliser and all my tablets for CF, start consuming plenty of fluids like I was the night before keep myself topped up, get my tri suit on, it was cold that morning so I decided I’d get my wetsuit on well legs in straight away as it would keep my legs wrapped up and warm. Everything happened so fast I was just running on autopilot. Everything ready I walk toward Hever castle from the campsite. My heart is starting to pound but this time I was not in zombie mode I was completely ready LETS DO THIS that’s all I could think.
I walked over to registration “name please and have you got your race number, Straight through grab any gels you want and drinks and if you go over there that man will show you to your bike rack position” “Hello Sir follow me, right heres your area rack your bike this way and bag drop is over there”
Got my bike racked, bike set up correctly, running shoes and bike shoes laid out helmet checked and all fitting correctly. I was ready to go. Now I just walked to the Lake and stood with my dad had a couple photos done watched the half iron man swimmers go off and then as before I knew it I was being called to my swim time briefing. I listened to the whole thing didn’t miss a word totally focussed. Do you think I can remember any of it NOPE only bit I do remember is turn left on your swim at this bollard and go under this bridge. That’s it and just like that the instructor says “right line up on the platform and slide straight in to the water” No time to think we all climb on to the platform stand at the edge and sure enough we slide into the water.
And So it Begins
In the water and instantly the temperature hits you it was cold we was told the water temperature was 17 degrees, it wasn’t it was colder than that but there wasn’t really time to think about it or get a feel for it. We line up and the music is playing and then all of a sudden the music stopped and the airhorn went and we were off.
My pace in the swim was a tad slow but I swam the first half next to someone else and we exchange a few words mainly both of us moaning about fogging goggles (mine have never done it until that day and I just couldn’t get them to fit right for some reason either) how cold the water was and how shallow it was. After about 10-15 minutes I get myself into a nice rhythm my breathing has relaxed and im feeling good about my pace and the cold and the first 750m goes rather nicely I can stick to my own pace and im feeling okay, a tad cold but im used to it. We reach the end bollard and turn left to go past a Chinese boat house on the corner of the lake and this is where I get frustrated because at the turn you then following the lake through a thinner route and at this point I got stuck behind 3 people who kept getting in my way and the problem was everytime I put a real burst of pace in to get past they would speed up and come back past then they would slow down again I would go past and they speed up again and come past me. I know they weren’t doing it on purpose but it felt like we were all shuffling around between us. About 1100m the lake takes another turn left and heads towards the swim finish and the lake opens up and some fast swimmers come through from the next wave behind me and I decide to get my head down behind a faster swimmer and I notice one or two slower swimmer have stopped at the side to take a breather and someone has even been pulled out the water by one of the kayakers and I started thinking “jeez this has really been tough this swim poor fella the cold must have got to him” by this point im about 150m to go and I can see the scaffold bridge that I have to swim under and then its about 50m to the lake edge to get out and move to transition. I didn’t realise it but at this point I was feeling really really cold I couldn’t feel my hands or feet and i was feeling a tad disorientated, under the scaffold bridge and I reach the lakes edge at this point I feel instant relieve and theres people there to help you out the water as this helpful man goes to help me stand up out the water he shouts to me “watch out as you get to the edge theres a concrete step up right here just under the waters edge” as he says that he pulls me right into the step and I take a great whack to my left foot, I didn’t feel it at the time because my feet were numb, Im out the water and im walking to transition to get changed and onto my bike but I was so numb I couldn’t use my hands to undo my wetsuit and start to slip my arms out as I head to transition, it also takes me a few minutes to get my bearings I was dizzy and not quite with it with all the blood rushing back to my feet, the swim had taken me around 45-50 minutes not too bad but I was aiming for the 40 minute mark but I was just so relieved to have finished the first bit all my nerves and worries were starting to go
How I had broken the race down in my head on whether I was going to finish the triathlon or not
My way of coping with whether I would finish or not came to one simple plan I knew I could do the swim easy and I had it in my head if I got through the swim and then completed bike no matter what happened on the run I would run walk or crawl my way to the finish line I just knew in my head I had to get the bike section finished and that medal was mine. Sounds simple don’t it but it played on my mind so much when I was on the bike.
Reach Transition One (Swim to Bike Transition)
So after a 200m walk from the lake (most people run but my legs and bearings hadn’t returned to me yet so I walked) I find my bike and some feeling has returned to my hands and I was finally able to undo my Wetsuit and I quickly slipped that off put my cycling shoes, helmet and glasses on I feel I’m lacking in energy so I gulp down a lucozade and an energy bar and make my way out of transition to start the bike section. 40km lies ahead and it nearly ends within the first 500m I hop on my bike and roll down the hill towards the gates out of never castle and with only one hand on the bars I hit a speed bump and nearly completely stack it losing my drink in the process and whacking my meat and two veg square on the top bar. I have to stop to swear and get my breath back and pick my drink up as I’m so thirsty I don’t want to lose any fluids I’m carrying. Anyway I get back on and head out feeling good legs are fresh and I’m positive until I turn the first bend and see the first hill I encounter. I swear a lot highest gear and just get cranking this is where I really noticed how much my fitness has improved because hills normally stop me and I have to walk the whole thing. Not this time I pedal half way up and stop to have a breather thinking I must be close to the top then some lovely old man shouts to me “dont worry mate your nearly at the top its about ANOTHER mile and your over the hill” I shout my thanks but really I’m thinking “Oh please just F off with your encouragement a bloody mile are you joking” Well I make the top and my legs are destroyed I look down Ive down like less than 4km bugger only 36km to go oh and I have to do that hill again, why do I do these bloody awful stupid poxy bleeding bloody flipping idiotic things, I pedal on and the hills keep coming up and down up and down and I’m going to say my favourite word to describe the triathlon the course is brutal the hills are not undulating like I was told they are fecking mountains to me but I keep on pedalling I don’t give up and my new bike and improved fitness is just about getting me to the top of each hill and then keeping me going to the next one. I hate it but I love it I take in the scenery oh the views around hever are stunning just beautiful but I don’t have time to stop and take them in, I’m constantly topping up my fluids and taking on energy gels to make sure I’m full of energy for the next hill or for a fast flat straight where I can really get some speed up and on the downhills I don’t grab the brakes at all I tuck myself back on the seat low down and I enjoy the speeds down the hills taking over people before they come past me again on the uphills. Its exhilarating and to be honest as much as its tough its so much fun and I do enjoy the challenge and the thrill. The end of the first 20km lap is fast approaching I turn at the top of the hill to the left and start heading downhill towards never to complete the first lap and this hills a lovely one if you enjoy going fast. As I speed towards the 20km marker and lap two I see my family on the left of me shouting I don’t have time to really see them and a waft past to start lap two and boom I go up a slight hill round a bend and BOOM theres that bloody hill again. Well lap 2 seems to go quickly and I’m soon passing my family again near the end of the second 20km lap, I ride past my family and shout “NEVER F**KING AGAIN, NEVER AGAIN”. The whole ride was a bag of emotions “what was that noise” “Is that a puncture” “Watch that drain” “Oh flip that bump hurt” “Oh not a f**king hill again” and then id go downhill and like a big child id be thinking YYYIIIPPPPEEEEE and WWWWWEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYYYY to see how fast I could go my max I hit was 44mph and on a bike at that speed its definitely a hold on moment but so much fun. I finish lap two and pedal towards transition I get to the stop line and jump off my bike, I’m in pain but I cant hold my smile back now this was the mental goal I had set if I got to this line I knew I would finish, tension starts turning to relieve.
Transition two and the Run
I rack my bike and remove my helmet and gulp down another lucozade and energy bar and go to remove my cycling shoes but something feels odd with my left foot as I remove my left shoe my toe and front of my foot is tender and theres blood over my foot but I ignore it as it doesn’t feel like anything major and I’m so excited to be on the run because I’m so confident now of finishing I know only 10km stands in my way. I head out of transition for the final time go about 100m turn left and guess what? A bloody hill and its a big one. I have to walk it as my legs are with me yet its a killer but I make it of course and I now start to ease into running, run a bit walk a bit run a bit but I don’t have major strength and my muscles are so tight but I push on the entire time something just doesn’t quite feel right although I’m not sure what it is I keep going and I enjoy the stunning run route and talking to others along the way, not long after the 3km marker I feel a pop in my left foot and oh the pain starts to hit me a lot, I’m convinced its a toe nail popped off but I know its my big toe I know from the shooting pain I’m getting up my leg where its coming from. I cant run on it now but I don’t think about it I just think its okay we can fast walk it or hobble if we have to. The run is also BRUTAL hilly with short sharp descents then slow climbing hills but its beautiful to be in such lovely surroundings through horse fields, corn fields and we even run through a classic car rally taking place, I am ignoring the pain in my foot but I know I cant run so I just fast walk and take the whole day in and enjoy myself. That run well fast walk is the slowest 10km I’ve done but I didn’t care I was just counting the KM down, 10,9,8,7,6,5,4 to go and there is an add obstacle to avoid a blooming great hornets nest right on the bridge we have to run over in the field I didn’t realise what it was a just ran threw and hoped I didn’t annoy one on my way through and get stung, back up a rather large hill and at the top I see my uncle and cousin and my auntie then its downhill and the last 3km is in the ever castle grounds around the lake its utterly beautiful round there the grounds, I decide to try running again little jog ouch okay walk run again walk again I know I’m close to finishing so I get a sudden rush of energy, do you know what this triathlon lark is quite fun, I really enjoyed that swim and the bike was beautiful if not a tad hilly haha. 2km boards approaches and just after it I come to a bridge over the lake I had not long swam through and I see this little face looking at peering at me from the corner of the bridge and my daughter pops out and smiles and says hello so we walk together until the last 1 and half km and I start to run again and head for that finish by now I’m totally relaxed and so happy I’ve done it one last absolutely git of a hill which is so steep everyone is walking because running is too hard, reach the top and its about 1km to the finish and nearly downhill so I think sod it lets finish well and I jog and the crowds are lovely all clapping shouting support I turn round a right bend quick uphill run and theres the finish.
I MADE IT
I hit that finish line and grab a medal to stare at it, I had bloody made it, I have a little cry of joy and relieve and also to realise how much I’ve put in to all this nearly 9 months of my life I’ve put in to training given everything I had and it all comes down to this little medal and the pride I feel of having achieved something that 2 years ago I laughed off as impossible. Its such a surreal feeling after all the months of training hard work and pain you achieve what you set out to do, the race isn’t fun it isn’t easy but as soon as you finish you look back and think “yeah id do that again it was fun” and next year I may well enter a few more triathlons although never hever somewhere less hilly and ill do shorter distances but I will always be able to say I did an olympic distance triathlon and I can ay I’m a triathlete which is just mega. I love the feeling after finishing I just constantly stared at my medal. The thing is for me it wasn’t just the physical side it was the mental side I feel in such a better place this year mentally more free and less worrying and just happier within myself. No worries enjoying life with purpose, staying fit for a purpose and just generally feeling more relaxed. Is something missing from my life? Apart from a Ferrari haha Nah life is good I don’t go wanting for anything and I just feel so much more relaxed I others have noticed. Why do I feel like this? Less pressure on my health and my ability to cope with any worrying thoughts. Counselling was a big factor for me in my turn around and also my decision to finally take on a triathlon it made me relax so much, stop overthinking, stop worrying about the obvious which I cant change and just refocus on what I feel is important to me and doing these physical challenges is hugely important to me.
Why did I think something went pop in my foot?
Well once I got home and paid attention to my foot which was agony I noticed my big toe and just behind it was swelling like mad and I had a cut on the top where I whacked it. I didn’t think anything of it especially when it happened because I couldn’t feel it because of the cold and numb from the water and my adrenalin was pumping but the next day my left foot especially my big toe was a considerable size bigger than my right foot and walking on it although doable was giving me a lot of grief. I went to A&E just to get it checked because I have osteopenia and breaking things is in theory easy for me to do and after a quick Xray they said I had a slight fracture not a break in my big toe but theres not much you can do for it just try to not be stupid with it don’t run on it for a bit and let it heal. It wasn't too bad but it just made stairs a little difficult and putting shoes on was a careful process because of the pain but within a couple weeks it was nicely healed up, well I think as theres no more bruising or pain coming from it, a minor thing to have to deal with and it didn’t bother me I still made the finish and that was my aim.
Whats important to me?
Achieving my goals and feeling free of the limits mentally and physically is hugely empowering for me. I’m able to focus so much better and I worry so much less. I just feel like I’m enjoying life so much more this past 12 months and describing how or why isn’t easy because it isn’t like I flicked a switch and change its lots of different little things that have added up to one big positive. All I know is I had counselling but a combination of things from counselling made something inside me change and I’m now just so relaxed but find focus easier so if I say I’m doing that I just go and give it a go and try to succeed at it. All these changes and doing these physical challenges makes me feel so good every day I can train or enjoy my life is another day I know I’ve avoided hospital or falling ill and thats a very satisfying feeling and to me its like a drug and although the training is hard and managing CF gets harder as time goes on I now understand so much better why I do it and the benefits it gives me.
Its refreshing its fun and care free to feel like this and feel like after 31 years I feel like I’m understanding myself more than ever and pushing CF back more than I ever have and I know i’ll feel this way for a while yet. I have plenty I still want to try and achieve and plenty I can focus on and try and get positive results. No negatives here but I’m also a realist I know I will still get sick and poorly and CF will keep deteriorating my body and my mind mentally but it hasn’t done enough yet to stop me and while I can I’m going to keep pushing myself. IF I had to answer “whats important to me” In a simple sentence I’d say “Life, everyday I Push myself is another day I defy the odds, another day I’m alive to enjoy things and also prepare for when things eventually go bad” Its never easy but the best things in life are hard earned.
Did I raise much money for the cystic fibrosis Trust?
Yep, I have raised just over £2,100.00 for the triathlon and since 2015 I’ve now raised just over £5,000 for the trust which I’m hugely proud of. I still don’t know how this nobody has gone on to become such a better person, achieve such big physical things and hopefully raise awareness along the way so others know what CF is all about. Its very humbling when people back me and support me and I just want to say a huge thank you to each and everyone of you who has supported me, sent me kind messages, congratulated me and pushed me to achieve these things, truly without all of you behind me I would have faded into the background a long time ago. Simply Thank you you’ve all been amazing.
I just hope my hard work will go on to help and benefit others no matter how small an effect it has any positive effect is a win for me.
Whats next?
Well it has to be big so I have a sort of 18 month plan I’m putting together to test myself and if I feel I can handle it in 2019 I want to try and enter and complete the London Marathon OR I cant believe I’m saying this but I’m discussing with doctors about the possibility and physical possibility of me maybe doing Kilamanjaro yes so thats either try to compete a 26 mile marathon or walk up a mountain but its all about the preparation and if I can physically cope with these ideas so 2018 is a building year. In 2018 I’m going to do a few small triathlons and I’m going to be entering some 10km runs and hopefully attempt a half marathon or two to see how I get on with running longer distances and assess later on in 2018 on what I can do or cant do as the case may be and plan from there for 2019. Oh and I’m going to do the 2 mile serpentine swim at Hyde park in September 2018 because if I do that and manage to complete the London marathon if I complete them and having already done the London Surrey 100 bike ride completely these three challenges would mean I would achieve the London classics medal for those who have completed all three London challenges and I really like that Idea and thats why I want the London marathon to add to my list of physical challenges but its all about assessing myself planning and then going from there.
Why do I do these challenges?
Funnily enough when I’m in pain or during the challenges I think this a lot like bloody idiot why are you doing this but in serious context I do it because staying alive with CF and fending off illness only gets harder as time goes on and somehow I’ve found a way that I enjoy something that helps me try and stay fit and clear all the mucus off my chest and I enjoy the feeling of knowing I put the effort in is rewarding me back by helping me realise the health benefits and helps me fight personally against CF don’t get me wrong I know I have to lose eventually but its quite fun training and seeing that phlegm come out and knowing I’ve shifted something and looking in the mirror and see myself with more colour and a smile. Ultimately I do it because the pain of running or swimming and biking is an enjoyable pain and id rather be going through that than the pain of a chest infection and exhaustion and hospital beds. I do it because its a fun way for me to try and help clear my lungs, I’ve never liked doing the breathing exercises that I have to do to help clear my lungs but I do them because I have to but by doing physical exercise it helps clear my lungs better and means I don’t feel like I need to do my breathing exercises as much. Doctors will say what works for some doesn’t work for others and I don’t doubt that and I’ve found what works for me. For me physical exercise is so effective for me hard cardio work really helps dislodge things and I cough up plenty when training and feel so much better after so I know and I can feel I’ve found something that works for me but everyone is different. And thats why I do it because its my fun way of helping my lungs and my body to try and fight against CF stay as healthy or as less sick as I can for as long as possible. Its a drug that you cant buy but its a drug I love because I feel the effects when I’m training and noticing clearing things out of my system. Would I recommend to people with CF to give pushing yourself physically and take on these challenges to try and help if its possible for them to give it a go. Absolutely. My hospital records and results for the past 3 years show my results and shows its helped me slow down the damage CF is doing. IF it hadn’t of taken on these things I genuinely believe seeing what my hospital admissions and lung scans were and how much I coughed up before I went on this journey I believe id have been seriously sick now and maybe not even here. Its not easy to do and I sacrifice a lot to train and enjoy my fitness but I wouldn’t change it now and I don’t intend to stop doing it any time soon.
I do it because I can.
While I still can, I will.
Watch this space is all I can say right now
Thanks for reading
