Back to the Gym Finally and odd thoughts and a change of things

After nearly two weeks of being a complete lazy arse I went to the gym last night. Nothing too bad just 15 mins fast bike ride and weights

I have to say im struggling to lift my arms today as I did try extra weights and im glad i did even though it hurts.

Ive actually missed going to the gym but I had time away from it due to having a nasty cold and to give my new meds time to start working.

My cough has improved alot and my production of phelgm from my chest has slowly decreased which im hoping means the pseudo is getting better, although im taking nothing for granted.

Im finding it a struggle to fit so much into my day now with extra meds and nebs.

Im doing 4 - 5 nebs a day which is a pain when you have work to fit in during the week. Easy at the weekend but time is hard to find when you work every week day.

That said im glad that I seem to feel like the cough is going and production is less even if I am still having to throw up regularly due to the salt nebs which is horrific and makes you gag with every breath but it helps me so im not giving up on it even if i hate sick feeling it gives me.

I have also given up coffee, i was finding that coffee when i drank it was making me very ill. At first i thought maybe its the dairy product but I gave up coffee for two weeks now and find that im not getting the feeling i was so I will be sticking to that in the near future. Although being stupid yesterday I had a costa coffee just to try it out and my theory is right my body seems to hate coffee as i got the sick feeling back and eventually threw it up.

Not sure if its an allergy to coffee or not as I still drink caffeine drinks but certainly coffee is a no go for me. Signs that my body has changed as i used to love coffee so much.


Odd Thoughts

I have been a bit lost in my own head lately thinking about cf and how i have lived my life with it.
Im very glad to have lived how i have and be lucky enough to be as healthy as i am

But

I want more. I want the old healthy me back that I was in my early twenties and late teens. I always feel like im not doing enough to push myself and im very critical of myself im my own worst enemy.
I have plans for next year to be fitter and do some tough challenges and im not giving up on that.

I will acheive what i set out to do.

But i frustrate myself that I do not push enough, do not do more, do not help myself enough. Not going to the gym has really annoyed me, i knew i couldnt at first as i was quite ill but im always ill so i should go no matter what. Thats what I always tell myself

DO MORE

Even if at times i cant I always feel like i need to.

Its odd to think so positive like I do yet still feel like im negative. But I like that feeling its how I live and tell myself to push.

NEVER GIVE UP, DO NOT GIVE IN, MAKE IT FUN, ENJOY THE PAIN AND PUSH ON.


Its strange to have odd feelings but never feel odd inside myself even though im very odd inside, I mean after all I have a life threatening illness but never feel close to death, just smile and step away from it.

I always confront my demons but never need to fight them as I feel im a step ahead of the end.


Would you find it funny to know death is obvious? Yet think nah not yet it seems like a boring end.

Thats how I always feel and thats why im very positive in life. Because giving in seems dull to me and too easy.

Life is a challenge no matter what doing nothing is boring and too easy. If thats how you prefer to live surely theres no point, that is not how to enjoy life.

I enjoy life more because I know of death understand it and maybe infact have learnt to love it.

Why

Because you cant change it and moaning about it only seems stupid.

Why do you think in death we celebrate life? Because its positive and everyone loves good memories right?