It’s a funny thing suffering with an illness. You feel fine
but different but you don’t know what different feels like as you don’t know
what it feels like to feel normal. Not breathless and dependant on meds.
We only know how to feel as a CF sufferer but as we know no
different to have cf and feel like we do is normal.
What’s the saying? You never miss something you’ve never
had.
Well its true. I don’t know what normal feels like but that’s
okay as im a better person for cf im sure.
Watching The Undateables last night showed that people no
matter what should never hide away and more importantly there are people out
there willing to help people get out there and show people who they are and
tell them its fine to be you and if you are shown disappointment its okay we
wont give up helping you.
Im not just talking in dating terms but it must also help
them in general to feel good and think yeah who cares this is me I cant change
so you either accept it or move on to someone else.
That’s quite a unique attitude to take but I feel it is an
attitude that is only found in people with unique situations.
I mean most people wouldn’t think like that if they haven’t
got something unique to overcome in the first place.
People who suffer from Illness, deformities, learning
difficulties and problems due to accidents etc all have something in common.
When it happens and you start to understand what happens you start to worry
That common feeling is :-
“Will the world accept me for who I am? What happens if im
insulted by someone who doesn’t care, or know, or chooses just to bully me? How
do I act? Do I just act normal? And Learn from my difficulties to make me cope
with things in the best way possible
Or
Do I do the safest thing and stick with those close to me
and just stick to what I know?
Or
Do I hide away?
When I was getting into my Teens I decided to Hide away and
stick to what and who I knew.
I had my friends in school and where I lived and even though
I was okay I felt like I wanted to hide from it all.
The reason being was I had really started to understand what
I was suffering from and I of course got loads of questions in school What?
Why? How? And the classic in school Was, “Can I catch It?”
It wasn’t that people were trying to be offensive they just
wanted to know. Some want to know to be nosey, some want to know because their
worried they will get it and others want to know because actually they just
genuinely want to know more about it and want to get to know you.
I learned who these people were very quickly. That said
there wasn’t many bad people at the school I went to I got on with plenty of
people, and never fell out with anyone over being offended by questions. And I
never had a fight.
You could say All was okay but I didn’t feel like that. I
just wanted to avoid everything, the questions, the answers and the odd remark.
To me going home after school and hiding in my room was the
easiest and safest thing to do.
It really started when doing PE I was always active and
quite fit andf was able to keep up with most people in various activities, but
one thing I Couldn’t do was athletics.
I was having a go at the 400m when trying my hardest not to
be last (Although I was quite a way back) I collapsed and for the next couple
minutes I didn’t remember much. The first thing I remember is being surrounded
by people. And the Teacher checking I was okay.
It made me really start to think about what I couldn’t do
and I felt uncomfortable being the one who needed help. That’s what made me
start to think of hiding away and that way I would be safe. I don’t really know
why it happened to me but I turned shy and wanted to just hide.
When your hiding it’s a strange but some people would say
comforting feeling. No questions or answers needed. No explanations or bad
remarks no bullying and no feeling of insecurity.
Yet really being hidden away you are insecure. I found
myself always thinking that people would now be talking about me because I
choose to hide. Funny how the mind works.
Im glad to say It didn’t last long. Towards the end of
school I was feeling very closed and had started to plan my future like my new
job and college and this made me feel worse. I have to say that im very lucky
that my true close friends never desserted me and they actually got fed up of
me trying to hide so they helped me to start coming back out of my hiding place
and they never gave up having to pull me out of a hole until such time that I
felt better being out with friends and new faces than I did hiding away.
When I got my first car I was scared to go out. Not the
driving bit I loved driving but meeting new people.
I shouldn’t of been scared. I made some amazing friends and
even best friends in dover and they never made me feel like I hated the
questions they made me feel like they were interested in who I was. And this
helped me to really open up and start to enjoy going out and about meeting people
and trying new things and they even helped me to start dating which I had
dreaded but it turned out I was better for being open then being closed.
I once remember waiting outside a night club with a few
friends. We used to go and sit a bunch of us parked on a hill next to the place
called the shadows and wait to pick friends up and have a laugh at the usual
drunks.
An old school friend
came out who I hadn’t seen for nearly 2 years. Their reply was “wow what
happened to the shy quiet Jamie Fox from school who never liked talking to
people? Who certainly seem to have made friends with a lot of people?”. It made
me realise how bad id been in school.
I was not shy at all but because id choosen to hide that is
how people saw me. I actually had quite a few friends in school but people who
I never was friends with in school had got this impression just from the way id
acted in school.
In reality Im never shy nor quiet and Im told quite often to
shut up haha.
Being open and not afraid of life anymore has made me the
best person I can be and ive had some great fun and experiences along the way
and Im forever grateful to all my friends who stuck by me when I hid and to
those who became new friends by accepting who I was and just letting me be apart
of their fun without worrying and becoming close friends made me feel very
happy with life and secure even if someone ever questioned me I am now very
happy to answer as best I can and as many times as im asked I will reply. Ive
realised ti for the better to show people who we are then to show what im not.
So many people in life help so many others without realising
it. Like so many did for me.
That’s why I love watching undateables. It shows people who
have a unique attitude to life and don’t care about the negativity. And that
people are out their willing to help anyone stranded take their hand show them
a way and say go on, but don’t worry if you get lost give me a shout im right
behind you.
The world would be a better place if more loving, caring
people helped those who are lost. And in tern those lost people start to forge
their own paths and show people along the way what their made of.
That’s how I feel. I love spreading the awareness of what
ive got and who I am but there was a time I hated admitting it. But many close
people, friends in my life helped me by helping me notice I wasn’t really
different at all I was just like them, people just had to accept who I was.
And that is why more people need to be more open to what
they see and hear. Too many people are ignorant and do not see how different
things around them could be. If they realised that everyones different then
maybe it would help them to notice others a little bit more.
The world is a better place for whose who are giving and
unselfish.
So many of us have friends who are open and helpful, honest
and loving. But I bet We don’t have many friends who we feel bad people in our
lives do we?
Everybody makes mistakes. Ive made plenty but I learnt from
all of them.
I will never be selfish.
In a way im bad for that I forget to look after myself when
im concerned about others.
All I can say is all those who I treasure in my life now
have always made me feel loved and wanted no matter if I see them every day or
just once a year and they have always helped me no matter what.
It’s a shame that the world is not a better place.
There will always be war and terror. We cannot choose when
and where. But we can choose the better people in life.
And That’s why the undateables isn’t just about people with
problems in many different forms, its about showing that no body should be left
out, everybody should find love and everybody has a place. And most important
of all, this place is full of people willing to help those less fortunate find
and enjoy the same things we all deserve
Thank you to all of those that have helped me throughout my
life. You may not even know you’ve hel[ped but I don’t forget who you are.
No comments:
Post a Comment