Learning something new everyday with cf

Well where do I start with this subject

Recently and rather unfortunately I've learnt alot about how ruthless cf can be

Over the last couple months and even more recently the last week I have seen how quickly cf can turn very painful and unfortunately deadly without warning

When I recently went to hospital I had been fighting a bad chest for a few months but within a few days it turned the screw on me and from one Friday to the following Monday I went from ok to even struggling with walking up stairs being out of breath and feeling really rough and by the Tuesday I was arranging to go in hospital for IV treatment. It hit me so hard and so quick I couldn't even really take note of how bad I had got in a very short space of time

I had learnt a valuable lesson and it was something I had never experienced before 

Then my friend told me she had got ill in a similar space of time but worse even worse 

In short 

On one Thursday she had a cold which turned into a bad chest and sore throat within the same day and then on Friday she was rushed to hospital and then an ambulance drove her to kings for immediate treatment when it was discovered she had flu and pneumonia. all this happened within less than 48 hours

I never knew or realised things could turn so quickly but I'm learning quickly as it will serve me well in the future

Then even worse I have discovered that cf can take a life just as quickly

A lady I was following on twitter called Emma Kingston and had had a few chats with via the social network seemed like a lady who interested so many people who followed her, why? Not because she had cf but because of the person she was and how she went about living her life and that showed right up until the very last minute that cf was not going to stop her enjoying life 

Her life turned for the worse unfortunately within a short space of time and it seemed from what she was saying that it was never expected so quickly

 

I am sorry that you didn't get what you needed in time Emma and to the others that ran out of time but still believed and seemed to live to the full right to the end. It was a pleasure to follow u and hear your stories your tweets and stories were hilarious and showed so many valuable lessons in life

RIP and breathe easy.

I have learnt a very valuable lesson from what has happened and I will do my best to keep fighting, will try my best to pay attention to early signs when my health is going wrong despite my mental state not being great at the moment 

One thing I have learnt is that leaving things to the last minute with cf can only make it worse like I used to do when I was younger and I cannot afford to do that anymore if I want to live into my forties 

Last time I went to hospital for ivs a few weeks ago I went in quickly to try and get a good grip on the chest infection and try and clear my chest before the chest infection had a chance to settle in and it seemed to work as my lung function was the best it had been in nearly ten years.

But I'm not taking anything for granted

Im going to start back at the gym this week and try and eat healthier. I want to give this body the best chance it has in life

Like I said on Facebook the other day

Sometimes I feel like the luckiest man in the world, other days I feel like the luckiest man stuck in the most unlucky body and with how I've been feeling that's exactly how I feel

Right now though its not my physical health that needs to change drastically its my mental health and that is one thing that I'm struggling with the most. But that is what my next blog will be about

More to follow shortly

Becoming unwell and deciding the time was right for IV treatment

So since my last blog a few interesting things have happened

I have been fighting a bad chest for about 2 months and despite managing being able to keep my lung function up it was really starting to take its toll on me.

I was becoming very exhausted and most of my daily effort was purely going into keeping my chest as good as I could.

Well two weeks ago I spoke with my doctors and it was decided that it would be best to get some help and go in for ivs before things got worse.

So I was admitted into hospital for IV treatment.

I had my midline put in which went nice and simply and it was agreed to start me on timentin and tobramyzin and it was planned to do a week in and then continue my ivs from home

Well all went well in hospital for the first few days until something went wrong with my line and it started to bleed massively (and I still can't figure out why)

"Okay so no problem lets just clean it up and put on a new bandage and carry on" I thought

But no how dare I think things could go so simple.

When it was being cleaned up the nurse seemed to panic and pulled my line out a little despite me saying to her numerous times "watch out for this your pulling the bandage too quick and the lines moving" and instead of just trying to place it back in she seemed to refuse and said she would have to remove it and I would need a new line and then tried to lie about why it came out.

Don't get me wrong i know mistakes happen and they do an amazing job and a simple apology would of been fine but I don't like being lied to and I was rather upset and angry that the line had been removed and couldn't understand why they couldn't just be honest and say sorry my mistake I pulled the line too far out

And it didn't help this all happen at 1am and I was rather tired and then was told I needed to stay up to have a cannula put in gggggrrrrrrrrrrr

Well that happened eventually at 3am and don't get me started on the cannula but after 3 attempts I successfully had a cannula in.

Line removed after mistake and cannula put in which you can see in background

So after a tense weekend of having a cannula in I had a new line inserted into my right arm on the Monday but it wasn't a great fit and it was discussed to leave it in and see how we get on and if it failed to put another line back in where the first one was. No problems always good to have a back up plan.

Anyway I should explain what my lung function was when I went in

On the Wednesday when I was admitted my lung function was 2.4 fev1 so it hadn't dropped too much from march when it was 2.6 fev1 but that doesn't explain the full extent of how ill I was 

It was mentioned that I had clearly been working very hard to fend off whatever I had but it was time to give me that final push to clear it 

And physically and most certainly mentally I have been feeling beat up I have been struggling mentally with cf

I just feel lately mentally I've been down, depressed maybe but I just haven't been right in the head and just felt like things were getting on top of me

I have been needing a boost lately to help me carry on and maybe change my approach to things and give me a game changer if you will

Well the week in hospital went well and other than the midline issue no major shocks just lots of drugs even more sleep and when I wasn't sleeping lots of autogenic drainage breathing exercises 

I never really knew how exhausted I had become but the amount of tiredness I had been feeling and sleeping certainly showed me I need to rest more and start sleeping better as I was simply just dozing off at all hours of the day when I'm not being pestered for obs or drugs or blood tests.

Well they let me home after a week in and all seemed okay but after a few days home my second line failed and was leaking heavily so it was an emergency journey to the hospital to have my third line put in so plus the cannula had had a total of 4 drugs lines installed

Well again the first week at home has gone well and no major issues my plan at home was simple

Sleep plenty 

Plenty of drugs

Plenty of nebulisers 

Plenty of tablets 

And plenty of exercise when I wasn't doing anything else

Well my main exercise was dog walking as my new puppy mollie certainly can help me to keep fit and we have walked quite a few miles which has really helped me expand my chest and help my AD exercise to clear my chest of phlegm 

 

Well yesterday was a very important day

My cf nurse visited to see how I have been getting on and I was expecting the results to be the same as when I left hospital

When I left my results had showed no improvement on my lung function so I was feeling a little down

But yesterday's results shocked me massively 

I was in that much shock I actually text my cf team to check what I had read was right

Let me put it this way

Admitted in hospital two weeks ago fev1 2.46

Visit yesterday

Fev1 2.95

I couldn't believe it and I still can't that is the second highest fev1 I've ever had in the last ten years maybe even my entire life and I haven't had a fev1 over 2.8 for nearly 7 YEARS 

So you can imagine my shock at the results

And I'm still in shock now I don't really know what to say

All I know for sure is I had given up on improving my lung function and thought I was just working to keep it where I was and felt like I was working harder than ever just to stay healthy

What I do want to say is I stupidly thought I should give up on ever improving my health again and just work to stay as i was but the results show you should never give up until your very last effort has run dry.

I have upped everything lately thinking that was what I had to do just to keep where I was but upping everything and working harder

I work harder now on my health Than I ever have and it just shows I should never have given up thinking otherwise

I has given me a huge boost and I actually feel like I could now improve further

Isn't it funny even just this time last week I was thinking lets just work on keeping well and still feeling bad but now I have something to feel good about and will now work harder to see if there's anymore room for improvement

I still feel bad mentally but these results give me something to believe in and something to work with

This is the game changer I mentioned that I needed and it has come at just the right time 

Importantly it has shown me to never give up never stop believing and never stop thinking you can improve

Never ignore the signs that things can change if you work hard enough and I've certainly upped my game despite being in a bad place mentally and I'm glad that although mentally I was down physically I think I never stopped trying and it's really paid off judging by my results

A lot of people have asked me how did I do it and what have I changed to be able to improve my health???

well here's my answer

All I simply did was get in early for treatment before my chest infection got too bad and its the first time I've ever done that and I really believe that is a major factor for me being able to improve

I used to wait till I was really ill before admitting I needed help and went in for ivs but this time I felt like it was time to change my plan of attack and I'm told attack is the best form of defence 

So anyone who is thinking of leaving treatment to the last minute, DON'T

Get in before it gets too bad and attack it early and then work to improve it

I have certainly learnt a big lesson in doing that and I hope my results show that sometimes changing what you do can make a huge difference

I'm hoping it helps others to realise things can get better if you just change the way you go about things

I'm still in shock but I'm hoping it sets in soon

Anyway I feel like I should now run a marathon with this positive outcome

I still think there's room for improvement and time will tell

Whatever happens I will let you know

Keep fighting

Help others to fight

Never give up

I will admit I had and I was stupid for doing that and I've learnt from my mistakes and will take that to help me change mentally and hopefully feel a better person for it

Oh and by the way it's CF WEEK

So if you see anything to do with cf on twitter or Facebook please repost or retweet and help raise awareness

Heres an image that shows just how much cf actually affects in the body which most people don't know about

Please become CF Aware

Here's something I wrote recently that I hope helps others

Thanks for reading 

A late post but I wanted to let you all know IM A GODFATHER

Just a quick post to say I've recently become a godfather

I feel very lucky and proud to be asked to take on this responsibility and I will do my best not to let Amy and Thomas down and most importantly my Godson Cohen

Heres a few snaps from the day of me and Cohen :-) 

Mentally challenging

It's been a while since I've written a blog and whilst I'm sat here watching 24 hours in A&E it made me think how's the perfect time to write something

Why has 24 hours in A&E made me want to write a blog?

Well simple really it's filmed at the hospital I go to for cf team appointments and receive IV treatment.

I love watching it as I am sort of in love with kings college.

Why would I love a hospital? I hear you think, well I'm in love with kings because when I'm ill it makes me better, it's a comfort thing to know I'm in the place that will make me better when I'm at my worst, my lowest.

To me you should always love something that makes you better gives you comfort when u need it, makes you feel wanted when your lonely. im not just talking about kings itself but the whole ward the staff and the friends ive made in the years ive spent there, loved and lost in some cases too.

it's just like a relationship,don't get me wrong you hate the place and do your best to stay away from it but your always drawn to it sometimes forced to it but you always come out better and its always there in the hard times to put an arm round you and say 

"It's going to be okay"

I know for some its not like that and some people they haven't come out of there ever again but that's not happened to me yet so I can still love the place

And I will still love the place to my final breath!

I'm honest about that because for all the negatives I've had there and bad times and the odd swear word I've thrown at people I cannot say that it hasn't helped me

I've been attending kings for over 10 years now and in all that time and days and weeks I've stayed there ive possibly only had 10 bad days out of the hundreds of days I've been there

Without that place and its people even though they are struggling to build a ward upto other hospitals standards (which is not their fault) I would be dead or seriously sick without them

Some people on my CF team are like family to me because they make you feel that way and most of them dare I say it know more about me than my family or friends will ever know 

But that's most likely a good thing because they don't want to know some of the things the doctors know or have to do to me haha and I don't want them knowing either 

  The last few weeks have been tough for me mentally

The last few weeks I've been in a bad place mentally, I recently became very ill and didn't really know why or how and it has hit me quite hard. I mean I'm feeling better now and may just may have conquered whatever was doing me harm but its hurt me.

Physically I feel an absolute wreck, I've had bad stomachs, check infection and been throwing up far too much for my liking and despite that I've still been doing nebulisers 6 times a day and 40 tablets a day everyday without fail and then doing AD physio to help my lungs even more and recently walking my new Beagle puppy to get exercise and help my lungs even more than physio

All that while still trying to smile and hide that I'm ill, I don't like to show it even to those most close to me but somedays I just feel like curling up and I have been really bad as the question I so rarely think has attacked me

What question?

Why me??? Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

I hate asking myself this as its something me or anyone out there will ever answer but it plays on my mind. 

Recently I've had days where I've just shouted when no ones around gritted my teeth and I have even shouted at people when I didn't mean to.

I can't help it.

My head is a unsolvable rubix cube

I have had the odd thought of fuck it I'm having a day off from everything. But I can't then I get angry and upset because I know I can't but I just want to rest stop relax 

CF is hard mentally and physically because its something you can never stop fighting and not always fight to get better but sometimes fight just so you don't get worse.

And that's how I feel

I'm fighting to just stay around not get worse, what's the point I'm working harder now on health that's worse than I was 10 years ago when I was getting fitter

I know I know I shouldn't be like this but it's hard

And that is where my mental state is being hit hardest. 

At the moment I just keep thinking why

Why me

Why do that

Why do this

Why not

Why isn't it working

Why am I worse today

Why was I better yesterday.

It's always questions.

I know how bad its got because I finally admitted to my mum and girlfriend that I'm not right I'm not well I need help. And in more ways than just medicine will help

I should say that work have also been amazing for me lately, they have given me all the time in the world to get better and work from home as much as I need and I think without that I would have just chucked the towel in by now got really ill and ended up with a midline in my arm attached to drugs for multiple hours and with my head being how it is lately I just think it would have made me worse.

I may still end up in hospital for IV but I feel at least I've given myself a chance to have a go at it without help.

I have started debating going to a psychiatrist for help just to talk outside the box and see what it does.

Maybe I need someone like that to teach me some new mental exercises

I don't want to say I'm weak, I'm not but there's only so many times you can read the same book before you know every word and it just doesn't give you that feeling anymore

One thing is for sure without my family, girlfriend, daughter and friends around me I already would have been worse.

I sometimes get angry as its hard to explain how I feel but even though they may not understand it they all come out with the odd word or two that just makes me listen and think good about myself 

Here's some amazing things that have happened recently

Like texting my girlfriend for help i was basically in tears at breaking point and without a hint as soon as she walks through the doors she there.

To my little girl saying "I think you should eat more biscuits and sweets daddy it will make you better (I love her so much for being so good with me) 

And my little girl doing practically all the shopping for me with the only thing I did was pay she just gets it and its hard to explain but she is so switched on I don't have to explain many things with my health it's like she just knows it and she's never afraid to ask me 

To my best friend who I text saying I just feel down and I'm a burden

He practically replied to me saying "fuck off you idiot we are all here for you"

That just made me smile in the moments when crying and feeling shit was all I thought I could do

I will snap out of it 

Just right now I'm not ready i just need time and I have to thank everything and one around me from people, family and to work for understanding and letting me be, even if they can't help its just what I need

I finally want to say sorry

Sorry for feeling the way I do, sorry to everyone close to me for saying and shouting the things I have and sorry I shouldn't hide away but I need to and sorry I can't do more i just want to relax, when I'm better mentally I will work harder. 

Just not yet give me a moment please.

Thank you for reading

I'm sorry to blab on

About time I updated

Well what do I write??

Im still me nothing has changed 

Still working on improving my lung function and enjoying the CF gene therapy trials

Im still semmingly improving my physio techniques and noticed that I should really start doing gym work again to help with improving myself.

I have recently started doing core work to help try and build up my chest and sotmach muscles to try and give my lungs another push adn hope I can improve my lung function further.

I have sort of come to the conclusion that my chest and stomach muscles are a bit weak so by improving these I can improve my lung clearance by having stronger muscles to help clear the usual sticky mucus :-) One can hope at least anyway.

Im still determined to put together my fundraising plans for the summer. Once ive had more time to write it down and prepare a good plan i am going to send it on to CF trust to see if they wish to take part and hope to get more people involved.

But im not giving anything away yet as im convince its such a good idea im worried if I tell people my idea may get stolen.

That said once ive made some enquiries, put a plan together and got some essential people to like the idea I will reveal all. I just need people of certain specialist areas to help me

Anyway all that in good time.

I have been trying to spread the word of CF of Course as you may have seen I did the CF trust cystic fibrosis IS poster idea along with many others and so many had such great replies

And on a visit to Bluewater I noticed Nikon doing a free photo opportunity

There head line was
Nikon

I AM

So guess what I wrote for my Photo

I AM

A CF SUFFERER

he he

Sneaky I know but any publicity is good publicity and Of course spread the photo all over twitter and facebook

By the way if you wish to follow me on twitter I am @fox1985

I love to spread the word and im certainly not one to shy away from who I am and what ive got im very proud to be a cf sufferer


On a serious note

I do wish to say a short few words a few people that have recently passed away due to CF and to those in mourning for the lost.

We wont let cf win, it may have unfortunately made some pass away but when we lose some, others appear and notice and we gain more fighters and supporters and the fight against CF is only getting stronger.

Time and Money are the essentials to pointing a CF Life  to a better life and it will happen, its only getting better, results show that and people are noticing it

Death and how its scares some, and why im scared of it but for a rather odd reason

Death does scare some and no doubt about it I do get scared sometimes, not because I dont want to die but that I will run out of time to do the things ive always wanted to do.


That said I still have plenty to do and keep making excuses as to why I havent done certain things yet. That is changing though.

 

CF and a unique sense of humour

I saw the young lads audition on X factor the other night who had very bad cerebal pausey (Sorry my spelling awful) and he couldnt stand without his frame and sat down when he performed and I have to stay I loved it. Not just because he was funny but by the principles he clearly lives by and its something I think alot of CFers can relate too

I for one have a very good sense of humour and im not scared to use my situation as a cf sufferer to make a joke or two (And yes no doubt some are terrible) and my friends are all too aware of that as they regularly join in with a joke or two.

My bowel action being a very well used joke indeed by a few (You know who you are)


Im not the only one who has a sense of humour like this with CF and how I look at it and laugh sometimes even at my own expense

Someone I recently started talking to who also suffers from CF and has had a transplant summed up CF and a cfers typical sense of humour in a great one liner

Cystic Fibrosis is

BREATHTAKING

Absolutely brilliant.

The young comedian on Britains got talent and how cfers can relate

That young lad on X Factor was just amazing

His line off stage was amazing

When Ant and Dec said "you got a standing ovation well done"

His reply

"Yes I think they were trying to rub it in a bit"

We all need to learn a thing or two from him as so many people take life and comments too seriously

I love how i am and CF has made me this way and I wouldnt change it for anything.


A final Note

Some people say why do you do the things you do? Dont you worry?

I dont worry

Why would I?

Im not one to lie down and accept my fate.

I may know my ending but I also know I can keep the pen away for as long as possible that will eventually write it

You could say my story is still at its begining and Ive got plenty of chapters to come up with yet.

What is your cystic fibrosis is? And dose 2

Well what's been going on lately I hear you ask?

Well your not but I'm asking myself

Not much just been doing the usual, tablets, physio, sleep eat, tablets

Like I said just the usual

I recently done a cf poster for a cf trust competition,

I will attach a photo to show it but I had loads of ideas

The question is what does cystic fibrosis mean to you

The headline

Cystic fibrosis is?

Mine was

To live, to inspire others, not by
Disability
But by
Ability

But I had so many ideas

I will not be down with what I have been given but will excel with what I have got
THIS IS MY CYSTIC FIBROSIS

Cf is

About letting your heart lead you and your head store the memories of where you've been

The list could have gone on

I didn't win :-( but was amazing to see so many people's different thoughts and the usual cf sense of humour

I liked

Cystic fibrosis is
BREATHTAKING

Sums up cf and the unique sense of humour cf gives us and our outlook on life quite nicely in one sentence

Anyway well done to the winner I loved his cheeky idea very cool.

I'm still smiling so much about my lung function results from a few weeks ago and I'm hoping today will show it's stayed the same or got better :-) well I'm allowed to be optimistic

And I found out I'm still clear of pseudo which is great but I'm continuing with the drugs for a few more months just keep it away and make sure I don't grow it back again.

So what am I doing now?

I'm on HS1 on my way to London for dose 2 on my cf gene therapy trial

I'm very excited if not a little tired I've had a dreadful cold this week which has exhausted me but I think it's all gone apart from the odd sniffle lol so not too bad and I think I've kept my lung function up okay so not too worried

I love being apart of this trial it's so unique and fun and very educating in terms of how people are trying to progress medicine and research and in their hunt for the cure

Will a cure happen one day?
Well I wish they could and I hope they do but with medical advances now and this research, they are hoping to minimise lung disease in cf with gene therapy and kalydeco and that's the biggest killer 90% of all cf deaths in fact so if these medicines help then that's a huge boost to cf and will extend the average age of CFers so much so it's a big step in the right direction. :-)


But it all takes time and for some people that time is running out before treatment can help them

CF is cruel it's what it's sole purpose is to destroy life and to hurt the people around that destroyed life.

I have to be honest alot of people seem to forget this side of cf including some CFers who think it won't happen to them and I'm the same but the difference is I've also accepted that if it does happen to me never mind I went out trying :-)

I'm fully aware it may kill me and that's fine. Just maybe not yet ay ;-)

Why am I like this?

well I accept I may die and it's my way of confronting it and it helps me live easier because I don't worry about it I just get on with life and if it happens well never mind

I've enjoyed life I've certainly tried not to waste any of my time


And if another cfer loses their fight others must still carry on theirs because theirs no point giving up just yet that just means cf is winning the time trial of life and I'm not prepared to do that.

I'm very lucky with cf that I've had the time I've had and I hope to continue to be lucky but that doesn't mean I won't stop working to fend it off and stay healthy.

I work harder now than I ever have to stay in good health and its a price I'm happy to pay.

Work hard and reap the rewards of what you create

Life isn't to be wasted thinking others will help you.

That's just lazy

Help yourself first, then you can help others at times of difficulty


Anyway I'm waffling on


I have a question for all of you who reads this blog and please please do this

I want you to tell me what you think cf means to you?

What is your cystic fibrosis is?

Come on tell me?

It could be a harsh reality or a fun gesture but I want to hear from my friends family and blog readers?

I want to hear your thoughts?

Here's my picture of me

Enjoy

And on a serious note RIP to the unfortunate who are no longer here and recently lost out to CF

We won't forget you

Sometimes its good to sit back and take stock of life

Sometimes I feel like im forgetting to appreciate things and remember what I have and how lucky I am

So sometimes I like to slow down step outside my own world and look in to see what ive got and remind myself how lucky I am.

Today is one of them days.

As I slept last night I thought about everything that happened to me recently.

Never miss a chance to see the way things are and be thankful for what you have

Right now I feel like life is on the up after recent developments

I recently had a hospital check up and everything just seemed perfect, dont get me wrong not perfect that I can be complacent I must keep pushing myself but the results were extremely good and even more surprising and have given me something that I really needed

A BOOST and a swift kick to remind me stop stop being stupid and never accept THATS IT

I have put on weight
My BMI is good

My sputum results looked good

AND most shocking of all

MY LUNG FUNCTION IMPROVED

It hasnt improved for over two years and infact had dropped quite badly but at the appointment it was the best its been in over TWO YEARS

Imagine my shock.

When I went there I went saying to myself the winters been tough so if my lung function hasnt dropped I would have been very happy

So when I saw my FEV1 had improved by 8% and my overall capacity by 10% I was stunned. I really had given up improving it and had just thought I would not let it slip anymore and maintain what I had.  I was chuffed to see it finally move.

Now I realised complacency will not be part of my health plan. Now im going to keep pushing and try to get back to my magic old grand number of FEV1 that I used to be and remember to forget less and improve more

I thought about it long and hard and realised its actually improved not because of drugs or trials or anything like that but its improved because ive improved myself through better consistency and trying harder to maintain my health for the winter actually made me improve my health.

Ive improved my drugs routine, my physio technique my Ineb routine and my weight has gone up and stayed consistent for over 4 months now.

I am absolutely chuffed with how the winter has gone for my health and has given me a huge boast to keep up everything that Ive changed for the good.

What else has happened in my life?

Ive got a new car. Its arrived and is stunning and has given me another boost and reminded me of how lucky I am to have the job I have and to keep wanting to improve.

My daughter as always is amazing and growing up fast :-) Shes nearly SIX. Where has the time gone?? And she is helping me to keep fit with stair races lol

Ive recently moved to a lovely new house and its officially our first house with my girlfriend who may I say is also amazing to me and has also been a reason ive improved myself by not letting me accept NO

So So many of my friends and Family have been supporting me with my future plans and my decision to want to do CF Trials. I cant thank you all enough and has really helped me to feel good about myself


And my last but by no means least piece of news.

Ive Been asked to be Godfather to one of my oldest bestest friends little Boy :-)
I received a lovely photo of Cohen with a little note saying

Will you be my GodFather??

How could I say no? So I of course said YES.

Im going to be a role model "oh dear" I thought haha but I really am truly thankful and priviledged to be asked so Thank You Amy and Tom. Amazing Amazing.

I have to admit that over the past few months I feel like ive become a bit insecure and have been fighting a few demons in my head. I still have plenty going on in my head and its maybe the reason ive been struggling to sleep

But I have at least now banished some of my demons and insecurities thatnks to so many good things and good people

I still have to improve but I wanted to say to all of you who have read this blog, supported me, wrote to me and sent me messages of support and good news.


THANK YOU

I couldnt do this without all of the good things im told and feel lucky to have what I have

Never rest on your morals

And I for one have realised.

If in another two years time ive improved thats another two years that Ive made things better

Thank You